Friday, June 20, 2008

Looking Forward & Back

I am not a mom who doesn't want her baby boy to grow up.  I look forward to the day when we can play board games together, watch a movie on a rainy afternoon, and read chapter books together.  I love each stage of Jack's life more than the last.  I love hearing the next new thing out of his mouth & I love watching him interact & discover his world.

That's why I was surprised when I felt sad after we took apart his crib & put a big bed in his room a few months ago.  My baby boy will be 3 years old next month.  And, as much as I look forward to the years ahead & all he'll experience, my heart feels sad at all that will fade away.

At this point in his life he is completely honest.  The idea of telling a lie doesn't occur to him.  He says it how it is without hiding anything he's feeling.  And, he believes everything we tell him.

He loves his momma & daddy.  He's so excited to see us, to play with us, to make us laugh.  He loves to hold our hands & wants 10 hugs & kisses before he goes to bed.  I will hug & kiss this boy as many times as he wants because I know the day will come when he'll not even want me to tuck him in, much less kiss him.

He can't hide his excitement.  When he sees something new or something he loves, he yells & points & laughs & wants to tell me all about it.  And I will listen as long as he wants to talk to me.   

Sometimes, I feel so much love for him that I think it will make my heart burst.  Before he entered the world I didn't know it was even possible to love someone so wholeheartedly knowing that they can give you nothing but themselves in return.  

And, I think about him becoming a teenager and I hope he still likes me.  I hope I can still make him laugh.  

I want him to be free to grow & explore & become the man he's going to be, but I also want to hold on to him so tight & hope that he'll never leave because he is my baby & he'll always be my baby.  I know I have a long time before he's all grown up, but I also know it's going to go so much faster than I ever thought possible.

So, I try to savor the days we spend together.  I try to listen to him when he talks, get on the floor when he asks me to play with him, and kiss & hug him until he doesn't want anymore.

9 comments:

Kaele said...

These are awesome reminders. Just about got me crying... Happy early birthday to Jack and early anniversary to you two!

John Hendrix said...

Every year I think, now THIS is the best age! Then I say it again the next year....

I guess one day we'll get to the point where life stops giving us things- and starts taking them away.

Lets have 10 more kids.

lara said...

i totally am with you here. grant is almost 2 and i just want to savor in this time we have together and give him many kisses. i even find myself looking forward to when he wakes up from naps and in the morning (as long as it is past 6:30). great post!

2WeeMonsters said...

I needed this reminder. Some days I forget that this is really just a moment and it will be gone so fast I might not catch it if I can't stop and be still. Thanks :)

KKeyes821 said...

Beautiful post Andi! Jack is so lucky to have such wonderful parents. I'm so glad that you two treasure each of these stages.

Sarah said...

This was really beautiful, I got a little teary eyed reading it, b/c it rang so true.

As much as I love to watch them grow, I also really want to keep them little. I know the day is not far off when they no longer think that I am the coolest mom ever :)

Anonymous said...

Andi, You are so right. I Love You, Baby Girl. Mom

Grandpa G said...

Geez, here everyone is talking about getting teary eyed and I have to stop and take off my glasses because the words on the page are getting wavy … We don’t often take the time to think about those simple happenings but somehow they create the specific things we remember in our heart: Sitting on the floor of the back porch listening to country music with you. The wonderment caught in a picture of you and your brother peering though a window at Disney World. The look on your face when the music started for the father-bride dance.

Rebecca said...

Ok, you got the waterworks going now...I agree with "2weemonsters" I really need that reminder sometimes...I question the wisdom of having 2 kids in less than a year and a half because it has often been so chaotic that I just find myself wishing things were a bit easier....but now that my kids are 2 and a half and 4 and things are a bit easier, I am starting to miss when they were babies and am getting the baby bug yet again. I need to appreciate what I have and enjoy the moment. Thanks for the great post.