Wednesday, December 06, 2006
My motherhood failures...
You know things are bad if Jack has the paci. Not just bad, terrible. This is a daytime sight that is never seen in our home. Jack with the paci. It's for sleeping only. Not today. I gave in. The incessant screaming over the past few days became too much for me to handle.
If you know me, you know my disdain for the pacifier. I hate it. Really, really hate it. I think I'm as fixated on hating it as Jack is on sucking on it. I see kids running around with pacis in their mouths & it turns my stomach. It really does. I think because I fear that Jack is still going to want it when he's 3 and 4 and 5. And, it makes me mad that a little piece of plastic somehow offers him more comfort than his mother who grew him & nursed him & hugs him & loves him. I wonder if it's akin to smoking for babies. I wonder if kids gain weight when the paci is taken away like people do when they stop smoking.
As you can see from my paci rant, it's been a horrible morning. I went to a women's group at church and had to leave early with Jack, stopping to sob in the bathroom for about 10 minutes on my way out. And then in the car. And then at home. He's been a crank for the past few days. I'm wondering if those 2 year molars are already making their way to the surface, because he just cries & whines & fusses all day long. Or he could be bored. Or just out of sorts. Our house is in boxes & we spent the weekend shuffling around between friends & family due to the power outage (during which all of our food spoiled!). Maybe he just senses our stress. I wish he could tell me.
I really love Jack & don't like to complain. I love spending time with him, but when we have a few days like this in a row I tend to lose my fragile grip on reality!
So, I've been self medicating with Diet Dr. Pepper & if we had chocolate, I would be eating that too. In fact, if I knew of a box in which I had packed some chocolate, I would find the box & dig it out.