Thursday, June 21, 2007

Mommy Ass

This summer, every time I put on my bathing suit, the mirrors in my house scream in horror. I'm not sure what it is about having a baby, but your whole body rearranges itself. Even if your back to your pre-pregnancy weight (and I'm not, but we won't talk about that...sore subject), things are just in different places than before the baby. And yet, it's summer, so I yank on my suit and try not to think about the view everyone gets of my behind as I chase Jack around the pool.

And chase him I do, because this kid loves the pool. The first time we went this season he was freezing, visably shaking, and still threw a tantrum when we pulled him out. And every time I dress him he walks over to the pool fully dressed & tries to hop back in.

I've wondered if I should just give up & get the swim suit with the skirt down to my knees. I'll skip the cute, sassy skirted suits (of which I've seen a surprising amount- they're not your grandma's suits anymore!) and really go all out.

I've also noticed a demographic lately that I will call the "Hot Moms". I would call all of my mom friends hot moms, but "Hot Moms" are different than your usual run of the mill hot moms. "Hot Moms" don't appear to have had any children. "Hot Moms" don't get mommy ass. I saw a "Hot Mom" at the pool today with a six pack. I kid you not. An honest to goodness six pack. My first thought was, "she seems nice, but I think I might hate her!" I think "Hot Moms" are probably genetic freaks, but they still manage to make every other mom in the pool feel a bit more insecure.

So, hug your wife today & tell her you love her mommy ass. If she's been to the pool today, she would probably like to hear it.

9 comments:

Andrea Patton said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh . . . If I think about it too long I'll start crying! - Mommy Ass x4!

Erin Evans said...

Hi Andrea!! It's Erin Evans (Baker) here. I'm so glad I came across your blog. I was wondering how you guys were doing.
Amen on the mommy ass post. I'm only 10 weeks out but the rearranging of weight is so bizarre. I avoid the pool so I won't come across the six pack hot moms :)
Here's our blog:

web.mac.com/evans5811

E

kaele said...

Hee-hee. That's funny. Are you sure this girl didn't adopt or pick them up off the street!? ;-) I surrendered to the new body last summer and got a tankini with shorts! I love being able to get out of the pool and walk around downtown and dry out without having to put something else on (and still look somewhat covered up!).

Anonymous said...

my guess is that they are hired nannies. they haven't actually had children yet. : )
i'm happy to learn from experienced women what i'm in for. thanks for the heads up! except what happens if your pre-mommy ass isn't....well, we don't have to go there. later! and i'll choose to keep this one anonymous--and if you guess who this is i'll know you think i don't have a hot pre-mommy ass. LOL

Christine Gordon said...

Can I just say that Michael said to me suddenly, before I had read this, "I love your mommy ass"? I wasn't sure how to respond. Then he told me to read your blog. Now I understand. Thanks for that.

Kelly said...

you are freaking hilareous!!! a friend told me today that we have old lady arms to look forward to as well.

John Hendrix said...

At least you don't have daddy moobs.

Andi said...

this is true. you have no excuse.

ireners said...

I either laughed so hard I cried or I may have just plan started crying, cause it's true.

(Hi, btw. I found your blog via Erika's and love popping in and seeing how you guys are from time to time.)